Document:  All > Shakespeare > Comedies > Love's Labour's Lost > Act V, scene I

Jump to: the first appearance of honorificabilitudinitatibus:_thou_art_easier




	[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]

HOLOFERNES: Satis quod sufficit.

SIR NATHANIEL: I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner
	have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without
	scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without
	impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-
	out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
	a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi-
	nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

HOLOFERNES: Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
	discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
	ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
	behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
	too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
	were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

SIR NATHANIEL: A most singular and choice epithet.

	[Draws out his table-book]

HOLOFERNES: He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer
	than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
	fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
	point-devise companions; such rackers of
	orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
	say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d,
	e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf;
	half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
	abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he
	would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
	insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.

SIR NATHANIEL: Laus Deo, bene intelligo.

HOLOFERNES: Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
	'twill serve.

SIR NATHANIEL: Videsne quis venit?

HOLOFERNES: Video, et gaudeo.

	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Chirrah!

	[To MOTH]

HOLOFERNES: Quare chirrah, not sirrah?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Men of peace, well encountered.

HOLOFERNES: Most military sir, salutation.

MOTH: [Aside to COSTARD]  They have been at a great feast
	of languages, and stolen the scraps.

COSTARD: O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words.
	I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word;
	for thou art not so long by the head as
	honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
	swallowed than a flap-dragon.

MOTH: Peace! the peal begins.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: [To HOLOFERNES]  Monsieur, are you not lettered?

MOTH: Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a,
	b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

HOLOFERNES: Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

MOTH: Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

HOLOFERNES: Quis, quis, thou consonant?

MOTH: The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
	the fifth, if I.

HOLOFERNES: I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--

MOTH: The sheep: the other two concludes it,--o, u.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet
	touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
	home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

MOTH: Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.

HOLOFERNES: What is the figure? what is the figure?

MOTH: Horns.

HOLOFERNES: Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

MOTH: Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about
	your infamy circum circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.

COSTARD: An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst
	have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very
	remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny
	purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an
	the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my
	bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me!
	Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers'
	ends, as they say.

HOLOFERNES: O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
	barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
	charge-house on the top of the mountain?

HOLOFERNES: Or mons, the hill.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

HOLOFERNES: I do, sans question.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
	affection to congratulate the princess at her
	pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
	rude multitude call the afternoon.

HOLOFERNES: The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
	liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
	the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do
	assure you, sir, I do assure.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar,
	I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is
	inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee,
	remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy
	head: and among other important and most serious
	designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let
	that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his
	grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor
	shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally
	with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet
	heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
	fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his
	greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
	travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass.
	The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do
	implore secrecy,--that the king would have me
	present the princess, sweet chuck, with some
	delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or
	antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the
	curate and your sweet self are good at such
	eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it
	were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to
	crave your assistance.

HOLOFERNES: Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
	Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
	show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by
	our assistants, at the king's command, and this most
	gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before
	the princess; I say none so fit as to present the
	Nine Worthies.

SIR NATHANIEL: Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

HOLOFERNES: Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,
	Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
	limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the
	page, Hercules,--

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for
	that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

HOLOFERNES: Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in
	minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a
	snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

MOTH: An excellent device! so, if any of the audience
	hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou
	crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an
	offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: For the rest of the Worthies?--

HOLOFERNES: I will play three myself.

MOTH: Thrice-worthy gentleman!

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: Shall I tell you a thing?

HOLOFERNES: We attend.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO: We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I
	beseech you, follow.

HOLOFERNES: Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

DULL: Nor understood none neither, sir.

HOLOFERNES: Allons! we will employ thee.

DULL: I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
	On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

HOLOFERNES: Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST






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